Kiev Boryspil Airport: From 6AM – 10AM I slept 30 minutes at check-in’s tile floor. The flight ladies of Ukraine’s international airline woke me 15 minutes before they’d help me… Not sure why. I was pissed but know better than to fuck with the airport staff. They hated my flirting. I hated their ugly faces. I probably stunk by now. It had been 5 meals, 15 beers and 40 hours since my last shower. I brushed my teeth though. That’s half a shower.
I dragged my haggard self through check-in to the gate and laid in pain until the delayed flight finally boarded. I woke to another ugly woman’s mean mug. This was a long punishing morning I bought Ukrainian vodka to give friends, hoping to distract myself. But I was just as sweaty and mentally distraught in the duty-free shop as I was by the fates. I’d end up leaving the vodka in the NYC taxi.
The plane ride ranked high in all-time shittiest flights. I have many. I decide to long-haul sleepless and broke and broken and with dead electronics and dying insides. Its because I try to maximize time before departure. I hate it but wouldn’t change it. Nothing in this world is free.
I had an Hasidic Jew next to me. My mind was slap happy and hysteric with internal monologue. I asked him questions about the giant torah on his lap and the curls he didn’t have and the Jewish faith as a whole, whole heartedly interested, half awake. He spoke Yiddish, or Hebrew or some other dialect of gibberish, staring down at the page, dancing his fingers at it like he was casting a spell. He didn’t have any prayer-remedies for crying babies, I asked. He laughed. I seethed, then slept.